How are you? First off, I apologize for not writing daily as promised. It’s really hard to write everyday just like it’s hard to work out everyday. I just don’t have that much to say. It doesn’t make sense to share when you’re not inspired. It’s been seven months! Can you believe it? I have been through 2.5 seasons, and in the thick of the toughest one yet. I love it. I may complain every other day about how audaciously cold and inconvenient it is, but I’m thankful I can see the 4 seasons in a home with big french-sh windows overlooking an empty cornfield the size of a football field. It’s hella dope. I just gotta say, I’ll only see this once in my life for 365 consecutive days and someone pays me to do it. Holler, I’ll do it!
Nah, but, winter has been alright. Summer was coo. It was too hot sometimes. The mosquitoes went too far. Fall was beautiful but short-lived. The trees really turned all sorts of colors!!! And now winter — white as fuck, gray skies, and icicles on my windows. Man, wtf? I would like to go out and do some snow activities like snow tubing or cross country skiing. We’ll see. I’ll cross that road soon.
I hope things have been going well for you where you are. I started yoga teacher training about 6 months ago. I did it as an exercise to get deeper into my spiritual practice and sort out some personal issues. It’s been the right thing for me so far. I’ve really benefited. When I get back, who will be my students?! YOU!? 😀
Something about Ohio is so special. Like, people are nice and genuine. The towns are small and familial. The outdoors are pristine. The seasons are real. You can’t fake it til you make it here. You just do or you don’t. You are or you aren’t. Man, imagine how good it is for the soul.
At the same time, I miss home. I miss the kids (nieces and nephews), I miss my friends, I miss the California sun, I miss hearing Spanish/Vietnamese/Cantonese/Portugese spoken in the same setting and like hundreds of brown, yellow, black people complexly walking around. Ohio lacks that.
But missing yall is neither here nor there. I’ll be there when it’s the right time. For now, I’m here.
So what have I been doing since I’ve been here, other than trapping mice and throwing them away like a real G?! I also insulate windows with plastic and blow dry them to unsuccessfully keep out the cold and unwanted bugs. I roll my trash can down a long and step gravel driveway once every week or two in sleet, snow, or humidity because I can take out my out trash. Shit sucks and sometimes I want a man just so he could do those things. Ha!
I don’t do much. I got certified to be a Barre (no not alcohol) teacher recently. I started training again in it. I watch a lot of shows like Boardwalk Empire, Scandal and recently, Sons of Anarchy. I tried to pick up reading leisurely again. And of course, I self-practice yoga.
Being here is more of an internal exercise. I sit still, do less, live a simple life, so that I stop trying to be all up in what’s happening. I want to be really simple/silent/isolated for a while. How’s it working out? Some days I want to kick my own butt and yell at myself for being so lame. Other days I think, damn, you’re doing it! And still, there are days when I could be doing a better job of being still, listening to my gut, and living that simpler life for the betterment of my mental state. With every mistake, there is a lesson. I hope I’m improving into the better person I’d like to become.
Dating life. It’s still pretty much non-existent, which is not a bad thing. I enjoy the company I keep. I still really like my space. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll be this way forever. But since forever doesn’t exist, I’ll just let it be. I’m shifting though, energetically, and find myself more available in various ways, more forgiving of myself, more accepting of love’s nuances. Those are good things.
I’m not as organized as I’d like to be in the places that really matter for me. And that’s a huge obstacle. I’m lazy when it comes to managing my finances, organizing my personal data (photos, journals, papers, documents, etc.) and keeping myself accountable. I’d like to work on that. Still find it troubling to call myself out. i think that’s my personal journey and struggle — to really be accountable for what I can handle. Don’t over-commit. At least, if I know there is only one me, I should try and do certain things very well.
I’ve been contemplating important life questions too, like, what is my career path and am I passionate about planning or do I want to leave because it’s too challenging for me? It’s too soon to tell because I have my own demons to face. I have a new career path in mind and just shopping it for now. Really cool to have something new to think about.
Anyhow, that’s pretty much it. If you have instagram, you can follow my life: s0uleternal. If you don’t, then occasional status updates, emails, and/or phone calls will have to suffice. By the way, you can Facetime me now!